The part where history helps

If you have been reading along, my recent past has been pretty all over the place. A constant battle between happiness, excitement, passion and jumping in the deep end, all whilst experiencing plenty of growing pains along the way. The sadness I’ve felt this year was a bit overwhelming for a while but that’s why I like to call it growing pains because it’s a great opportunity to come out the other end a little stronger and taller. It’s a ride, like every life is.

There’s this new feeling I’m noticing lately. This feeling of calm. It’s completely insane. I’m sure that’s not how others would describe the feeling of calm, but I’m not used to it at all. It’s like that moment you take your first sip of your morning coffee. Calm. The instant you first ease yourself into a warm bubble bath. Calm. The second the bell rings on the last day of term. Ridiculously excited calm. Okay, so maybe my calm isn’t that conventional but I’m taking it all in. I feel calm walking through my big city, taking in the sights on my own. I feel calm again sitting with friends and just being together. I feel calm at the thought of going back to my small town this time, because I have something to seriously look forward to.

There’s been a lot of newness going on. I’ve been getting to know someone. Someone has been getting to know me. It’s so much fun. It’s nerve racking. It’s full of awkward moments. And this time its full of thoughtfulness. I feel considered. It’s exciting in every way. It’s new and it’s the best part of being single – it’s the possibility and potential of something new.

This time there’s calm. There’s warmth and there’s mutual like and respect. I hope there’s more than just hope this time. I say that every time but why would you bother getting to know someone if you didn’t want to hope for more? If I’m in a good place and he’s in a good place, imagine the place we could be in together. Maybe it’s a little bit more than my imagination this time?

I have no idea if this is it. But that’s not the point. The point is in right now. The happy…and the equal desire to live in the moment but also climb towards the future, with all of those lessons, loves and losses from the past to help make it the best future possible.

He asked me one night, “What have you learned in the last week?”

I thought for a moment, smiled and replied contently, “I have learned that life goes on and that it gets better.”

When I asked him the same question, he paused and shared, “I have learned that I have been missing something in my life – conversation”.

And we all know that I’m a talker.

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