Basically I have lived a sheltered life. I have spark and I try things, but always above the law. I think. When it comes to my morals, they are very much reflective of a little girl in pig tails, exactly how every school teacher should be. I’ve never smoked, never taken drugs. I won’t even let my friends feed me energy drinks because heaven knows, I don’t need any more energy. You should see what a red cordial can do to me!
Sometimes, I just accidentally stumble across trouble. Usually I’m totally oblivious, but this time I had my ‘Imelda’ to read between the lines for me.
I was at her place when visiting the big city. This was exciting enough, let me tell you! She leant over, as we were having a cheeky beer on the front porch, and whispered to me when she noticed a dodgy looking car parked across the road. Her whisper started our adventure. With gumboots. “Quick, put these on! We are going to check out what’s going on.” This made me feel totally hardcore. The addition of gumboots always means that sh#t’s about to get real, right?! (WOW swearing!)
This car had been lurking outside the local creek for a few weeks now. It was time for some serious investigations to take place.
The only problem was that I was involved and I’m not very stealthy. We started walking across the street, our gumboot clad feet crunching in the leaves (‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt’ started running through my head)…
Swish, swish, swish.
Anyway. Enough daydreaming. Must focus. Dodgy people, who obviously owned dodgy car, walking towards us. Argh. Unexpected. Quick, ‘Imelda’, think of suitable conversation. “…So this is where she got the tick. When we were playing by the creek the other day.” Dammit. Must think of a casual response. Silence! Dammit. I’m no actress. Silence was probably way better than the disastrous combination of my brain and my voice box. Which we were soon to discover.
Okay. They’d gone. Our exclaims went a bit like this…“See how dodgy they were!” “I wonder what they are up to.” “They just look like school kids.” “Ummmaaaahhhhh.”
It was now time to put the gumboots to good use as we crossed the muddy creek bed.
Stumble, stumble, trip
My memory tells me that I might have said something along these lines as, next, we hiked ourselves up a small hill to what appeared to be a secret cubby…
“Ooohh, Imelda, it’s like we are explorers from one of the Anne of Green Gables books!” (I’ve never even read them much to my mother’s dismay) The only problem was that there were still people in this cubby. Secret mission now not so secret! But, it was okay because they were so out of it they barely noticed us.
Innocent cubby now obviously hidden drug haven.
Teenagers! A local suburban gang of weed loving hipsters. Scary. But, hang on, I’m basically a thirty year old grown up. I would look completely scary and intimidating to these youths. If I could speak. ‘Imelda’ had to sort it out.
“What are you guys doing?”
“Has anyone ever found you here before?”
“Right! Well, see ya later”.
Clump, clump, clump (gumboots make for an awkward escape)
So, this crew were pretty clever really. Mattresses as walls, attempted to be disguised by native weeds. Timber slats used as flooring and bench seating (was this the kid’s play cubby that was noticeably missing from the tree?), hospital chairs (what the?), outdoor settings (probably their parents), couches, fire pit, scary witch mask to mark their territory, rubbish bin (how environmentally conscious) and a very worn out track leading to the ‘hidden’, bong-filled esky. Geez! My cubby never looked like this. Total drug bust! But first, it was time for a little adult intervention. Quick, fetch a brave man!!!
A note was written. It was very cryptic until the brave man was sprung just as he nailed the note to the tree. Oh well. We are scary adults. We can just….call the cops!
Party poopers, I know. But we couldn’t have this carry on in ‘Imelda’s’ sweet suburban street. Children play here. And other curious neighbours were injuring themselves as we ran up and down the street spreading the exciting gossip.
So, even though the biggest role I played in this scandal was pulling on some gumboots and giggling like a school girl, I totally love that ‘Imelda’ shared her adventures with me. I just accidentally stumble across trouble. I promise.
PS – The Police caught them, their schools punished them and their parents’ apparently disowned them. Our sources say that these cubbies have been popping up all over the place, then mysteriously relocating to new locations once stumbled upon by unsuspecting locals. These are the stories of community heroes right?!